Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
