Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
