just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
