he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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