Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
