I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
