I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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