careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
