watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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