Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The Olympian is in my bed
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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