my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
