My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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