Cold hands, warm shart.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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