He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
