are you still at the devil's house?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
