Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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