God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
