you win again, gameday.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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