Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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