ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
