I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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