He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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