you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
