the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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