Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
