He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Everything about him screamed your future.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
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