Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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