I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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