careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
