apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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