I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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