dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
