I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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