Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
