My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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