he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
