but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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