I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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