My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
A+ Viking dick
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
