I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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