I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
