so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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