i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
