Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
