I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
COCAINE IS GR8
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
