I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
