It's Friday. Sex?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
