I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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