Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
