...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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