I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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