Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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