I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
