I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
