Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
