I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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