We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
