hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
