I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
