Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
