dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
