if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
