My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
