People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
