i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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