the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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