i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
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He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
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i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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