I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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